You think it’s fair for you to be in there?
For you to even ask speaks volumes about your kind.
Don’t judge me so quickly. I’m just trying to stir up a conversation.
I’ll take some more grass if you don’t mind.
Now there’s a legitimate question. How can you eat that stuff?
There you go again with the dumb questions. Let’s talk about your diet.
My diet?
Sure. I’ve seen you wolfing down Ho-Ho’s and hot dogs. What’s up with that?
Acquired taste, I guess. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
No thanks. I’ll stick to raw meat and grass.
About that grass…why do you eat it?
Fresh green grass is rich in vitamins, minerals and enzymes.
That hasn’t been proved.
What are you some kind of expert?
No but…
Look, if you’d put yourself in my paws, the answer is easy. Consider that I eat herbivores. What do a lot of herbivores eat? Grass and other greens. For me, grass is an appetizer. And since you brought up the question of freedom, let me say that it should be a fundamental right of every life form.
Oh yeah? How free is the prey you catch?
As free as the prey my prey catches. We all have to eat. Where my hunger begins, freedom ends for the animals I pursue.
Is that fair?
Yes, in the sense that all of us have to eat to survive. Back to freedom being a right. Some of my species are occasionally psychotic and play with their prey while it slowly and painfully dies. But overall, we get the killing done quickly. Your kind robs other life forms of freedom, not just for food, but for entertainment, servitude or an abundance of testosterone.
What are you talking about?
Well, let's take fishing. Sometimes you eat what you catch. But often you hook fish, watch them fight for their lives, then unhook them and throw them back. Or you spend $25,000 for an off-road truck, $800 on a rifle, $75 on a hunting license, take two weeks off work, then claim you're hunting deer or hogs for food, or to help manage populations. Or you cage up calves until rodeo time. Then you whoop and holler while trying to lasso the terrified creature so you can throw it to the ground. Then you lock it up again. You may walk upright, but I have my doubts about your intelligence.
At least we‘re not afraid of water.
Who says I'm afraid of water?
Everybody knows cats hate water.
Really?
My housecat, Inspector Clueso, hates water.
Why do you call him a house cat?
Because he likes to be in the house.
He does? You mean you like to keep him indoors and he’s gotten used to it.
You sure are cynical.
Yes I am, if you look at it only from your limited human perspective. By the way, I love water. In the wild, I’d think nothing of swimming half a mile across a river to get to land on the other side.
What about gators?
You take your chances when you’re looking for a mate. Besides, it would be better than what I have here.
But you’ve got it made here! We feed you, provide you with medicine and shelter. We also protect you so that no one can hurt you.
Oh wow! What a bunch of saints!! Thank you, thank you for all you’ve done for me!
Look, we humans have to have our animals. How else can we study you?
Study us? Is that what you call this? I’m honored. How about trying a camera?
It’s not the same. We need a closer experience than that.
You’re pathetic, you know it?
Do you realize the good we do? If not for us, a lot of animals would become extinct. But we protect them in zoos and allow them to mate there for the continuation of the species.
Have you ever thought about why you really need to do this? Your kind wipes out our habitats and much of what we prey on in the process. After you’ve made us homeless, you feel the need to protect and preserve us. I would rather go extinct.
How much freedom do you need?
As a male, I may roam up to 150 square miles while searching for food and love.
Can’t you find it closer?
Sure, if there were more of us left, as well as more food. Hey, look at you. Your kind travels around the world searching for love and happiness. C’mon.
Let’s change the subject. Who do you think is more important, you or us?
What, are you a lawyer?
No, why?
You ask already knowing the answer. Every animal thinks its kind is the most important. The only difference is that most non-humans realize that every life form is equally important in the big picture. We rely on each other. We’re interconnected. We only eat what we need for the moment. We don’t hoard our food or other valuables beyond the needs of our near future.
There you go with the cynicism again. And why the snarly face?
You’re staring at me.
I’m just trying to make eye contact when we talk. Are you trying to intimidate me by brandishing those big teeth?
I don’t have to try. You know you’re afraid of me.
What makes you think so?
Which of us is on the outside looking in? Which of us has the key to the locked cage?
Who named you Tom anyway? That’s so typical. Everyone names male cats Tom. I would have called you Tiedomahalavich -- or something more original...
Why name me at all? You don’t hear me giving you a name, although plenty come to mind.